Embrace your messy mind: chaos reigns

Messy Minds

Modern wisdom and productivity books would have us all thinking we need to operate like robots, executing a flawless series of habits that the world tells us are good for us in order to live long and be fulfilled. I’ve lived that way and it wasn’t great, the persistent nagging thought that I could be a bit more optimised is quite corrosive on general morale. I’m messy and I’m betting you are as well, embracing that we aren’t robots was key for me to really find joy in my routines. 

I’m ex-military, so from a very structured world that has a very strong culture, something that taught me to be rigid, to do as I ought not as I want. I ought to be up at 5am doing my cardio and inhaling Japanese special mushrooms [or something like that]. I ought to be…is not as powerful as I want to be.

This “I ought to” thinking has a place and a time but actually is fairly toxic for the space I find myself in life now, in the military, I ought to clean my rifle or prep my kit for the next patrol is a very health mindset, but in general civilian life the taliban aren’t waiting ambush you, so the ‘I ought to’ mindset started to get to me. It actually placed me in a very toxic space for several years. 

My most recent thinking is to really embrace the interference and friction that is found in my life and mind. I want to be that person who is up and executing flawless morning routines, but I’m not a robot, I want to want to be up early. I’ve been trying to find a mindset that works for me without feeling like I’m placing myself under loads of pressure. As a solo parent I also have to contend with the fact that my life is not mine, it is my kid’s, so yes I may have desires and routines to execute but my kids’ needs will always come above mine. 

The mindset I’m trying to adopt is one of chaotic progression, to be moving forward but in a manner that fits with my desires at the moment. Those last few words go against everything Goggins or your favourite inspo influencer would preach. We must put logic ahead of emotion. 

What I’ve found is allowing a slightly [not totally lazy] relaxed set of routines has allowed more room for my actual desire for the routines to flourish. I’m mid 75 hard currently and enjoying it, in fact, I feel like I could maintain it indefinitely [maybe not the no booze bit] and I put this down to focussing on progress over perfection and embracing the chaos of my world. Chaotic routines often lead to me getting my daily outside run done at 10pm at night but I find a weird sense of fulfilment in being savage enough to get up and run after a long day of work, travel and kids’ tantrums. Ultimately, the Chaotic progression mindset requires just as much discipline, potentially more but it also allows for the joyful surprises of life to take hold and for you to say yes a bit more rather than I ought not.

I feel like we focus too much on the daily routines and not so much on how what we do is aligning on where we want to go. This is the difference between tactical and strategic framing. In a future blog I’m going to explain a tool I use within my coaching work called the Goal alignment funnel, which is a simple model you can use to align your daily activities to your strategic dreams.

Flowing from that, there needs to be a balance between high performance and joy in life… having consciously pursued high performance in 2022 for a physical challenge I feel like I lost an element of joy as to achieve high performance you have to focus and that involves saying no to things, a lot. 

Allowing a slightly more chaotic progressive approach to routines and goals has taken the pressure out a little. I have found that a backstop is vital though, I can be chilled all day but come 8ish in the evening if I need to get something done it gets smashed, I’m not going to bed having missed something I intended to do.